awkward

Well....Right now, My mom is yelling from upstairs.
My dog has been barking constantly and my mom is throwing a old woman tantrum :/
Currently, my mom is using some of her most vulgar language...
"Shit"
"Stupid dog"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP"
"I'll cut your mouth off, if you keep barking"
Well this is a rough translation of what she is saying....
But since my Chinese is sorta rough around the edges...
I'm not sure how accurate this is.

Also, I should be going to sleep.
but, I have something on my mind that I want to write about. :/
~~~~

First of all, I'm an awkward person especially around people I don't know well.
And when I mean awkward I mean.. terribly awkward.... (Its quite embarrassing).

Okay this is what happened.
My friend wanted me to come to this Christian type of youth group thing today.
I would honestly have rejected it. But since she asked so nicely, I couldn't resist.

SO anyways....
I went to the youth group thing which was at someone's house.
I was greatly welcomed. Some people hugged and greeted me.
BUt... afterwards.... it became extremely awkward.
I sorta just stood randomly around the house.
And tried to listen and pretend to laugh at things I didn't thought was funny.

When I tried to talk to people, my voice became shaky. I became really nervous.
When they sang songs, I didn't know the lyrics.
Everyone was overly nice.
TOo nice.
too friendly.
too _____>..
Too....
The best way to describe it...
everyone was like perfectly cut out dolls.
I felt suffocated.
I was like the imperfect doll out of the million perfect dolls.
~~

Homework hell.

My new motto is "screw this shit."
I don't care anymore.
It's too difficult.
I have a....
geometry quiz-friday
geography test-thurs.
ela project due- friday......

so on........

wed. I will start cramming everything in for geography...
if I have time I will work on my ela project and study for geometry quiz.....

thurs. I will finish ela project and study for geometry quiz...

friday... hopefully nothing.

Highschool is blah....

FML
FML
FML
FML
FML
FML
FMLx10000000
fuck.my.life
I need a shirt that says that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``
I really hate highschool.
It's definitely not what I expected..........

First of all, there aren't any koreans in my highschool.
Not a single one.
There aren't any F.O.B.S.
There aren't any cool asians...... only the nerdy ones that have no clue about kpop or asian celebs..
To be honest, there aren't any people I want to meet in my shitty highschool.
The highschool I go to is so fucking trashy and dirt poor.
my school= a trashcan.

Just the other day, I saw puke/ketchup on top of the ceiling.......
YUCK.
~
I'm also feeling like an outcast.
I don't fit in with any of my old friends from middle school.
I'm not as loud anymore and don't say unnecessary things.
And when theres an awkward silence... it just stays that way....

I tried hanging out with this girl, I knew somewhat well...
But talking about "bigbang", guys, and clothes... a gazillon times...
... it does get boring....

Pain

I haven't updated in a while.
stupid school has kept me busy.
Right now, I'm in the worst pain I ever been in my life.
My mom had to leave to work immediately after they too out my wisdom

I.need.to.smile.

Today is one of the days I like to call my "shit" days.
I feel like shit, smell like shit, and look like shit.
Okayyyy maybe that's a little exaggerated
but, nonetheless... I feel like.... yuck.
..
Usually, I can understand my emotions.
But today, They are tangled up in an confusing, permanent ... knot.
And no matter how hard I try... I can't untangle the knot.
~
Right now,..
I want to cry to ease the pain, but no tears are coming out.
I want to figure out what exactly is this "Pain" that's lingering on my mind, because this "pain" is stabbing my heart over and over again.
~

Long Summer Days

I will miss being able to stay up as late as 4:00 am and waking up at 12:00pm.
I will miss laying in bed all day and staring at the clouds.
I will miss the worry-free,care-free,peaceful,relaxing days.
Summer comes and goes so quickly that I almost forget.
~~
Towards the end of every August (when school is about to start), my brother would ask me " 1 out of 10, what would you rate this summer?" I usually would angrily snap back , " Durrrr, This summer was so boring, of course it deserves a "1"."
But, this year, I said something different.

"ummm, I think this summer is okay"
" we didn't go to Hawaii, California, or New york, like our friends did, but we had fun here"
"a ten out of ten!!"
~~
I guess, I'm starting to appreciate the little things in life, lmao.

cheapstake mom/deodorant

She expects me to be perfect.
Well, newsflash, no one is perfect.
Especially, a kid, with the memory equivalent of an old man's.
~~
Today, Walmart was filled with kids and adults fighting for cheap school supplies.
I lazily grabbed the first binder I saw. Fortunately, it was in good condition.
My mom quickly paced around the store, and looked for other "supplies" I might need.
In the end, we self-checked out one thick white binder, and powder fresh deodorant.
My crappy brain forgot to tell me to take the other bag which held my deodorant.
So, we ended up driving all the way back to Walmart.

The drive back to walmart wasn't filled with peace, though. My mom decided to give me a big lecture on how stupid I am, how un-independent I am, how I depend on others too much, how I'm having princess syndrome even though we are poor, how my brother is so much better than me, and how I'm not going to be successful in the future. While, she was giving me this so-called important lecture, I was trying to drown her words out with the music that was playing in the car's radio. so.....We went back into the store, she made a scene, she embarrassed me, and we left with powder fresh deodorant .
~~~
aggg *sighs* so much trouble for deodorant.
I blame it on my brain.
~~~
On a lighter note, I'm going to High school in 3 days.